Just over 4 years ago I had a little girl. And let me tell you she was little . She was 5lbs 12oz and was covered in loose, stretchy skin just praying for some fat to fill her up. She still has next to no fat. But that’s not the point of the story.
It just hit me all of a sudden how much of a different world we are living in now than that 4 years ago. Four years ago, Facebook was just a way to creep people or keep in touch with friends and family.
A little while into my fresh parenting gig began the boom of groups and pages. Buying and Selling. Chatting and discussing. A local mommy group was where I went for advice and encouragement. They were great. It was a game changer knowing I wasn’t alone in a lot of my struggles.
Again, more recently I’ve noticed another change in social media regarding parenting. It’s becoming more real. People are talking about their mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Post partum depression isn’t such an unheard of thing. People are talking about their fears, flaws and mistakes.
Finally, I understand that we’re all struggling.
We’re all winging it.
I knew nothing of the baby blues or post partum depression. I thought that since I didn’t feel sad or cry, that I was fine. Instead, I suffered in a different way.
I suffered from Could Not Relax Syndrome.
At the beginning I was just tired all the time, as most new parents are. And when people would take the baby so I could nap, I just felt stressed. I felt like I should be the one with the baby. What kind of mother needs someone to watch their baby just so they can sleep? It was the same for when I left the house without her for any reason. Guilt.
(See
this awesome Facebook post about how we parents need sleep)
When I got past the sleep hurdle and was no longer a zombie, it was a different kind of problem.
I lost interest in all my old hobbies. When the baby would nap, I would have to cleaning bottles or cleaning the apartment. I had to be busy. Or if it was night time and the baby was asleep, I’d have to go to bed as soon as possible in case we had a rough night.
There was no more reading or writing for enjoyment.
I felt like I was just this ghost or empty shell of the person I used to be. I believe this never-ending stress and guilt was just the beginning of the anxiety I now deal with on a regular basis.
It took a long time before I started to feel myself again. I’m proud to say that I now have friends, a life and interests. And not all of them revolve around my little girl. Although I will admit, I still think of her and miss her when I’m gone but it’s not in the same guilty way.
It’s just in the way that I love being around her cute self.
A happy, healthy mother makes for a better household. A better life for the little ones.
Take care of yourself. It’s okay for your kid to see you be your own person. Do your hobbies. Put on makeup. Dress up in something a little nicer than usual just to go to the store. It’s okay for Mom to focus on herself sometimes, not only the family.
I’m not just a mother.
I’m a person.
Facebook groups and other moms on social media have given me a better outlook on my life.
And THAT'S why we need more honest stories about parenting and motherhood. So we know we're not alone. So we know what amazing or scary things may be about to happen next. So we're as prepared as possible. So we have the encouragement. So we know it's OKAY to really need some sleep. To need some help.
So to all of you who decided to be honest about life and motherhood, you’re a lifesaver.
From this point forward, I vow to be a mother who always tells the truth. Especially about the struggles.
Who's with me?
